she was so not down for the gang bang
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
