Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
