i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
