Apparently you make a good broom.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
