I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
