is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
