i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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