If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
