worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
