so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize