How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
