i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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