WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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