there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize