I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
