Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
