the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
