Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize