...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
