why do cheetos always look like penises
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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