READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
