WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
