The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
