you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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