he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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