I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
