I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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