the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
