You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
