I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
