I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
