Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
