i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
