Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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