I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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