you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
