You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize