I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
