don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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