What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
