I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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