Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
