Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize