Your face is a jimmy john
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
