Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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