Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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