hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
too bad you live with your parents still
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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