don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize