I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
