I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize