I heard we made out
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My ass is underappreciated
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize