Buhtt sex?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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