the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
