the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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