So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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