Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize