you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
