everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
