his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
