He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Randomize
