I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I didn't notice because vodka
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
