I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
