I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
