There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
