so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
