Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
